Validation

One of the things I struggled with most as a teenager was self-esteem, like many teenage girls. I gained weight early in high school, and at the same time, things were tough at home. We couldn’t afford new school uniforms every year like most families. So when I gained weight going into Form 2, I had to wear the same tunic the entire year. Yikes! 

That year, we could barely afford food, let alone a new uniform. I filled out that tunic to the brim! So much so that I had to wear a jersey over it because I was literally bursting at the seams. As a growing teenager, that kind of experience is deeply embarrassing. As you can only imagine, my self-esteem quickly dropped. 

It didn’t help that none of the boys showed interest in me the way they did in my pretty, skinny friends. Looking back, I think that’s partly why I became a tomboy. I was the big girl who played sports and spent most of her time with the boys because I didn’t feel pretty enough to belong with the girls. (Wrong reasons for going into sports but super pleased I did anyways....lol).

Unfortunately, no one warns you how hard it is to climb out of that place of not feeling “pretty enough.” It becomes a path you follow subconsciously. I carried that mindset through high school and into university. And because I never felt “good enough,” I also became a people pleaser, but that’s a story for another day. 

Here’s the heart of it: while I was in university, God brought a friend into my life who showed me unconditional love. They came into my life to demonstrate, in the most tangible way, what love looks like. It was as if God was saying, “You are enough,” and then gave me someone to prove it because for some reason, I just didn’t believe it.

I can honestly say I’ve come a long way since then. I am more confident now. I believe in all of me. But that little girl who once craved validation, who wanted to be seen, appreciated, and told she was enough, still shows up sometimes. Every now and then, she longs to be reassured, to be validated. 

So I’ve been praying for God to tend to that little girl, because she never fully healed. She adapted. She learned to become her own cheerleader. But she still longs to hear “well done” every now and again.

And God, in His faithfulness, meets me there.

He validates me, not only in spirit or in quiet moments of prayer, but in real, everyday ways. He sends little reminders, what I like to call "His angels". Almost every week, one of my students will compliment me on something. It might be the way I’m dressed, how I smell, my smile, or even how I explained something in class, just me simply doing my job. Easily puts a smile to my face. 

But in those small moments, I am reminded of something powerful:

I am seen.

I am appreciated.

I am enough.

God is my validation, He created me. And that is enough.

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your words are wonderful, I know that full well."

Psalms 139:14